Z is for "Zee" End!

When I decided to do this Blogging from A to Z April Challenge I knew it was going to actually be a challenge for me. I just didn't expect it to be so big a challenge! Sadly, I did not succeed. I am, however, persnickety enough that I'll go back and fill in the posts for the letters that I missed. Having most of the alphabet represented is great, but those gaps in the sequence will aggravate me to no end.

It's been fun and I'm glad I did it. I'm also glad it's over.

Bye-Bye April! Hello May!

Y is for You

The photo was taken by my cousin Amy. I made the modifications by playing with Photoshop.

NAMIWalks take place all over the country. To find one near you go to http://namiwalks.org/

X is for Major Arcana X: Wheel of Fortune

I have a tendency to think about some things in terms of opposites. Life and death. Right and wrong. Up and down. Manic and depressed. Placing the ideas on the flip side the same coin organizes them quickly and easily. That approach to thinking is so prevalent that I am compelled to believe it's human nature to do so. The coin system works great for a lot of things but it's sorely inaccurate for many others. The 10th card of the Major Arcana always reminds me of that fact.

This card has two wheels on it. The obvious one that's the focus of the card and another one tipped over on its side at the very top. Do we make our own future, our own destiny, or are those things determined from above, from the divine? The artwork on the card says the answer is both. The lighting bolts in the background, the power from above, are always hitting our lives from one direction or another. The other wheel, with the Sphinx, the monkey, and the crocodile is the destiny we create for ourselves. The swirling pattern farthest in the back is the motion our lives add to the world around us - the proverbial ripple in the pond.

I don't dare speculate about the wheel at the top. After all, who can really know the mind of the divine or the rules from beyond the veil that govern the physical and spiritual universe we live in.

The wheel in the front I can talk about because it is my own life and its movement is the result of my own choices, good, bad, or indifferent.

The ape on the left is riding the wheel up to the top. It represents creation, initiation, those things that are coming into being in my life and they are not necessarily positive  things. The ape could let go if it chose to. It could refuse to allow the emergence of the next thing in life. I could refuse and at times I have.

The crocodile on the right side is riding the wheel down, to its lowest point. It's tied to the wheel with absolutely no choice but to experience the destruction that occurs in life. Or does it have a choice? The tie is loose, there's no knot. The crocodile could let go, just like the ape. In letting go though, it will fall none the less. Perhaps something wonderful is being destroyed causing pain that we cannot escape from. Of course, something causing us great pain might also be disintegrating.

The Sphinx at the top is balanced. The wheel turns easily so maintaining that balance is difficult. It looks back into that space between the wheels, between how we influenced our own lives and how the higher power influenced it. If we are to learn anything, it will be from trying to merge the what and why of our past. There's no point in looking forward for the what and why of the future, because we cannot know what lighting the universe will throw at us next. If the Sphinx turns to peer deep into the future, the balance will be lost and the wheel will resume its movement. People being people, turning to look is inevitable.

I guess I should tell you why this card always reminds me that life's things and events are not represented on the opposite side of a coin very well. After all, that's where this post started.

The wheel of life does not flip. It does not have heads or tails. It revolves around a hub. The animals, representing creation, balance, and destruction, do not sit on one face or the other. They ride the rim, diminishing and expanding continuously - never appearing or disappearing in an infinitely small moment in time.

Life is not, can not, be the opposite of death. The wheel is the very representation of life and it turns, not flips. Health and sickness are not opposites either. Getting sick happens over time, so does regaining our health, and maintaining it is a balancing act. This is no more apparent than in trying to live between mania and depression. Is it possible? Absolutely. Is it permanent? Absolutely not. I will make some choice that will start the wheel turning. Lightening, far beyond my control, will strike. Do I hold on to the wheel, trust that it will not stop at the bottom? Will the momentum of its movement be enough to carry me through the low point?

I've lost count of how many times I have been so afraid of the motion that I have tried desperately to climb back up to the top. When I was on the downward side, trying to climb back up only made the wheel turn faster and faster until I couldn't hold on anymore. I had no more control. My fate was dictated by the powers from above and it was my own fault. Learning to hang on is one of the hardest and most painful lessons of my life. Riding the wheel is hard, that's true. It hurts and I selfishly think sometimes that it hurts me more than others. The wheel keeps moving and it always brings beautiful things with it along the way. They are not permanent but neither are the ugly things. There's one exception to that. Letting go.

Letting go meant I was always at a low point, lower than the wheel would have taken me if I had only held on. I could have closed my eyes and screamed in terror. Instead, I let go and screamed a silent sort of terror. I could not close my eyes. It was as if my eyelids had been torn away. I was ignorant of how far I would fall, when and if the divine would finally pull me back up within reach of my life, and what the divine would put me through next. My life stopped, suspended in that terrible space I should never have entered. The swirling motion of existence continued without me because I was stuck in a single moment. That which should have disintegrated, what should have fallen from the wheel instead of me, stayed there. It left no room for that which should have developed in my life.

There I remained, experiencing the pain and anguish created by the enormous power from above and the choices I made in response that lightening and thunder. Angry, desperate, screaming in pain, I learned what hell truly was.

W is for Walk... NAMIWalk that is!

Time for the Walk.... the Austin NAMIWalk that is.

Shamelessly, I ask you to support me and NAMI by making a donation at http://namiwalks.nami.org/Jennifer.

The Austin NAMIWalk is a 5K walk that starts at West Riverside Drive at South 1st Street, Austin, Texas. It takes place on September 28, 2013 and people start walking at 9:00am (check-in is at 7:30am).

The walk taking place in Austin is only 1 of many taking place around the country at different times of the year. It's held annually for two big reasons:

1. to increase public awareness of mental illness
2. to raise money so NAMI Austin can fund the support, education, and advocacy programs offered (for free) in our community.

The view from the starting location of the Austin NAMIWalk

V is for Very Sad

Very sad. Actually, this is disturbing. Can you tell what the picture is? It's a magnet advertising the Jason Foundation, which is great.

Can you guess what it's on? It's on a paper towel dispenser like you find in public bathrooms. Which is great, too.

Can you guess where it is? Over the sink in the teacher's lounge of a high school. Maybe not so great?

Why is this disturbing? Because it's the ONLY such thing that I found on the entire campus. Definitely not great. Not even good.

The campus has lots of "no place for hate" and "click it or ticket" posters. Up and down every hall are posters warning against drunk driving and drug use. Of course, examples of student work are posted inside and outside classrooms. Giant strips of colored paper are painted with yearbook ads, prom announcements, and welcomes to the campus. Flyers are taped and stapled all over the place announcing theater try-outs, etc. It's all the usual high school stuff, except the occasional suicide hotline poster or flyer.

A single magnet, the size of a business card, on a towel dispenser in the teacher workroom is just wrong, maybe even irresponsible.

U is for Ups and Downs

Up and then down and then up and then down. Like a roller-coaster ride. Really? It's like that?

I don't think so.

• You choose to be on the roller-coaster.
• People with bipolar disorder did not have the option of such a choice.

• Your roller-coaster ride will come to a predictable end and you'll return to your normal, every-day life.
• The cycles of bipolar disorder have no such end; they are life-long. There is no stopping and getting off the ride.

• Your roller-coaster ride is engineered to be safe. Even when you are falling, you know you'll arrive at the low point safe and sound.
• Falling into depression is falling into a great unknown. You don't know how deep the hole is and you won't make the journey unscathed.

• You know you'll emerge from the low point of the roller-coaster.
• Not everyone returns from the low point of depression.

• Your roller-coaster ride has a specific maximum height. You're likely to return from the heights with messed up hair.
• Mania has no maximum height and it can escalate to the point of messing up entire lives.

The ups and downs might look like a carnival ride when they are plotted out on paper. In real life, though, comparing bipolar disorder to a ride designed for fun... that's just wrong.

T is for "To This Day"

This TEDTalks video says it all.




For more information about the 2013 Blogging from A to Z Challenge see the website of the same name.

S is for Save the Date

Directly from the NAMI Austin NAMIWalks Website:

SAVE THE DATE for the 2013 NAMI Austin Walk:

Saturday, September 28, 2013

The Austin Walk is part of a nationwide program sponsored by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) that has two primary goals:

1. To increase public awareness about mental illness and the devastating effects that it has on the lives of millions of Americans – one in five families – every year.
2. To raise much needed dollars to help fund the wide array of NAMI support, education, and advocacy programs here in our community.

2012′s Austin Walk was a huge success with more than 2,000 walkers participating and a record-setting $258,000 raised for NAMI’s programs. Get ready for 2013 to:

• Recruit your family and friends.
• Rally your co-workers.
• Call on your communities.
• We can all help raise community awareness … one step at a time.

---

For more information about NAMIWalks Austin, please contact:
NAMI Austin Office: 512-420-9810
Email: namiwalks@namiaustin.org

To make a donation to NAMI Austin through me, go to the following website ...

http://namiwalks.nami.org/Jennifer

Let's made stigma disappear!

Lines for a Fortune Cookie for NaPoWriMo Day 21

The next time you feel down, someone will tell you to pick yourself back up and get over it.

You will "like" a Facebook page dedicated to mental illness advocacy and education.

Choose your words carefully. Stigma bites and it might come back and bite you.

An important message is waiting for you at http://www.bringchange2mind.org/

Someone close to you has a mental illness. They're just not saying so.

Stress is wearing you down. Slow down before you hurt yourself.

Talk to someone. You need to share and they need to hear.

Are you really OCD? Or do you just like saying that?

You will soon meet someone with depression.

Participate in your local NAMIWalk.

Sing. It's good for you.

Recovery is possible.

Are you crazy?

Meditate.

Just breathe.

Take one step at a time.

Your insurance will cover it.

Imagine your world if she wasn't sick.

Try listening to understand rather than to respond.

Good things will come to you if you follow this blog. ;)

You are the 1 in the 1 in 10 that will experience depression.

Your bad attitude is the reason people with mental illnesses don't seek help.

Every criminal is not mentally ill and every mentally ill person is not a criminal.

Suicide is not funny. Tell that to the next person you hear make a joke about it.

Remember to tell them you love them. Every day.

R is for Reflection

These are few of the images some high school students created as part of an artsy lesson on symmetry. Every picture is different as each one is made from the letters of that person's name. They used the letters in their name to form a kind of code that told them where to graph and where to dray the lines. In choosing colors, they only had to make sure that each sections' neighbors were of a different color.

What does this have to do with mental illness? Well, much like we experience mental illness, these pictures are all expressions of symmetry. Yet each person's experience with mental illness is unique, just as these small works of art are unique.

Artwork created by my students (c)1913

Many of the kids got part way into the activity and started complaining that their picture was ugly, that they wished their name made something pretty like that person's over there. Mine's too simple, it's boring. Mine's too complicated. I don't know how to color it.

I had to do some poking and prodding to get them to move on, to keep working to the finished product. They are beautiful, aren't they?

The activity got me thinking about how often we wish our lives were different. What if our lives were more like that person's life over there. How often we think our own lives are not pretty or are not worth working on. My life is so boring. My life is so complicated.

We can only work with what we're given, just like these kids did. At the risk of sounding cliche, I think we can create something beautiful, balanced, and worth sharing with others if just keep taking that next step.

Q is for Quest

Do you find ever find yourself trying to figure out your purpose? Of course you do. Doesn't everyone?

My friend, K (for anonymity's sake), knew what she was supposed to do before she even graduated from high school. She started on her career path way back then and has stayed on it all these years. The real kicker is that she still loves her job. She's had issues with coworkers and bosses through the years, but she's always loved what she does. How many people can say that?

Me? My quest for what I am really meant to do in this life continues and I'm getting a little old to still be searching.

I wonder if a person can make a decision that will send their life down a path they were never really supposed to be on. I wonder if events initiated by the decisions of others can forever alter life in a manner that should never have happened. I guess I'm really wondering if it's possible to be on a road that never leads to the thing you were meant to do and be.

What if we have no ultimate purpose, nothing we are meant to do? If that's the case, then all of this is a moot point.

Pillars

Ancient Egyptian Tarot

As part of NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month) I tried my hand at a form of poetry called Fibonacci. It's based on the Fibonacci series that's built by adding the last two numbers of the list together to create the next number in the list.  Like this....

1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, etc.

Do you see it? Add the first two numbers together to make the third. Add the second and third numbers to make the fourth. Each number in the series determines the number of syllables in each line.

I'm also participating in the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge. It's tough to keep up, to post every day and I don't really succeed. I spend time on Saturdays and Sundays writing posts for more than one day. It's good work for me. I'm always amazed at what the final result looks like. I start with one idea and strike out in that direction but somewhere along the way I invariably follow some side trail into unfamiliar territory. 

Pillars

by Jennifer Clark (c) April 20, 2013

Life.

Death.

Between

these pillars

all chaos and calm

tumbles, rambles, crumbles, and grows.

Bitter and better, crueler and  kinder. I'm tired.

Between the pillars the wheel turns, torn, born, torn again. House falls, death calls, I crawl to rest.

O is for Oshun

A friend recently introduced me to Oshun (in a manner of speaking). She is a Goddess of beauty, art, love, sweetness. I am absolutely enthralled with Her and the idea of Her. She is so much that the world needs.

From what I understand, She can be pretty tough to deal with sometimes. When She looses Her temper, She is capable of causing great destruction.

Really, I don't have much to say about Her because I don't know very much. I just know that I like Her.

My friend put together a sort of celebration, an Oshun-themed celebration. We danced, shared the blessings we are thankful for, and asked for blessings that we need. We had food and drink and decorated with fresh flowers. Everyone that came brought fresh flowers with them so the space we occupied was absolutely beautiful and smelled amazing. We had a wonderful time together, full of love and kindness and the wonderful things that make life worth living.

N is for Nature Deficit Disorder

The idea here is that if we don't have enough outdoors in our lives, then we aren't going to be as healthy as we could be. I wouldn't call it a disorder and I think Richard Louv used the term more as an attention-grabber than anything else. Maybe it's just me, but I consider this just plain old common sense.

Do a quick search for strategies for dealing with stress and mental health and you'll find a plethora of suggestions to go outside.

Spend time in the sunlight. ---- Breath in the air outside. ---- Walk. ---- Bike. ---- Run. ---- Stroll. ---- Lolly-gag. ---- Whatever, just do it outside. ---- Leave the concrete behind. ---- Go to the park. ---- Go to the river. ---- etc.

We know all these things.

I take a walk (or a run) around my neighborhood when I need to shed the stress and frustration of my day before engaging in anything with my family and friends. I love them and don't want my emotional sludge to poison their environment. I know the physical exercise helps but if that was all there was to it then I would just use a treadmill and stay in the A/C.

I dance in the rain. Yes, I really do. Something about being among the drops falling all around me is beautiful and moving. Sometimes I sway slowly with my head back and my face to the heavens. Sometimes I jump and splash like a child enjoying the sound and sensation and sheer joy of it all.

Poets forever have written about the way the leaves of our trees move and shimmy in the breeze. They've written of bare feet on grass, trails through woods, oceans, skies, caves, animals, and all manner of things provided by our planet.

It's instinct to connect with nature and human nature to crave that connection. Without it, we are incomplete.

photo (c) Jennifer Clark 2012

M is for Music

I think it's funny how often science lags behind the things that people already know. Did we really need a scientist to tell us that music helps us manage stress?

I have music that I like to play when I'm angry - something loud with drums and guitars that seems to growl.

I have dance music, romantic music, sleepy relaxing music. I have music that helps me keep an up-beat attitude and other music that, whether I like it or not, moves me to tears.

I play Patty Griffin's "Heavenly Day" when I need to be reminded that things are going to be okay. It's one of my favorite songs and has been for a number of years.


I'm sure there's more to the study than proving that music affects people's moods and can be used to help regulate moods. Considering that people have essentially been using music to self-medicate for as long as humans have existed, all I can say to this is, "Well, duh."

Like I said, there's more to the study. Here's the link to the article I read and it contains a link to the study for those of you who want to check out the other elements of the study. http://io9.com/can-music-be-more-effective-than-drugs-465249779

The Power of Nature

step

outside

my front door

fresh air filled lungs

soft sunlight kissed skin

down concrete stairs to earth

dry dirt, hard ground holding me

grass crunches beneath each footfall

provokes emotions believed long past

by Jennifer Clark
(c) April 13, 2013

For more information about National Poetry Writing Month go to the NaPoWriMo website.

Photo by Jennifer Clark (c) May 2012

L is for Love those Pets

I can't help myself. The pets that walked with us in last year's NAMIWalk were fantastic. Besides, it's a good excuse for me to work on my tech-savvy skills.

K is for Kaleidoscope

Same space.

Same colors.

Same elements.

In miniature view

all randomness built

from familiar forms.

My things,

My thoughts,

My feelings

My knowledge

Categorized and arranged.

Chaos reigns.

The repeatedly reflected

image stands still

for a quarter of a breath.

Tumbling elements form

new patterns of contrasts,

new harmonies and dissonances.

People, possessions
swirl and slide together
with events, ideas.
They roll and fall away
into a different pattern
of disarray.

Hatred

Hatred

rises at the

thought of you standing there

before me with arms outstretched like

I should still be in love with you. I cringe.

I recoil and you advance like

touching me will make right

all the hurt and

hatred.

Anger

rises at the

thought of you watching me,

eyes searching for a flash of hope,

a moment of weakness when you can pounce,

say sorry, and think our lives will

go on like all is right.

You'll see only

anger.

by Jennifer Clark

(c) April 12, 2013


For more information about National Poetry Writing Month go to the NaPoWriMo website.

J is for Jams

Photos taken by my cousin Amy (c) 2012

Before the NAMIWalk started last year, NAMI Austin pulled together a lot of wonderful things to entertain us in the morning while everyone was checking in and getting ready.

The morning was amazing! In addition to live music, we had a warm-up station where an instructor was leading people through stretches in preparation for the walk.

The 4-H Club put together a little pet place with water bowls arranged in a circle for all the furry walkers. They placed it too close to the stage, though. The loud volume scared some of the pets. I'm guessing they will put the pet station in a different location this year.

Scattered across the gathering place were beverage stations - coffee, orange juice, water. Other stations were providing small snacks, like granola bars, and bottled water. People were even doing face painting! NAMI Austin knows what it's doing.

Me? Not so much. It was my first year as team captain and I fumbled quite a few things. My team, for example, didn't have matching shirts like most of the other teams. The team captain before me provided everyone with bright, colorful leis and I forgot to do that. My team members asked for them, expecting them, and I didn't have any. Getting leis is on my to do list this year. Matching t-shirts is on my list, too.

I'm really excited about this. Can you tell?

Attempt at a Tanka

The challenge for today from NaPoWriMo is to write a type of poem called a tanka. It's a strange form (to me, at least) but what the heck. I couldn't come up with anything that would fit the theme of this blog, so this little five-line poem has nothing to do with mental illness.

My living room

by Jennifer Clark

(c) April 11, 2013

Couch and a lounge chair?

Mine are in such disrepair.

Rug, lamp, solitaire?

They're yours but they're calling me.

I'll take them if they are free.

For more information about National Poetry Writing Month go to the NaPoWriMo website.

I is for Incensed

I cannot tell you how appalled I am at this ad. Mocking people in the throes of desperation? Formatted to look like a hotline service announcement, the ad company even included a 1-800 number. This is cruel. Can you imagine if someone actually used that number in a cry for help?

Source: http://www.brandchannel.com/home/post/2013/04/11/McDonalds-Mental-Health-Ad-041113.aspx

Hotlines and Help

Hotlines can help, lend a hand, hold out hope.

Ease. Intercede. Slow the slide down the slope.

Lifelines are allies when we cannot cope.

Prevent the next death with assurance of hope.

by Jennifer Clark (c) April 2013

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.TALK (1.800.273.8255).

For more information about the 2013 Blogging from A to Z Challenge see the website of the same name.
For more information about National Poetry Writing Month go to the NaPoWriMo website.

Gift

Sweet breath, sweet air, I lift up hope on you.
Convey my love across the stormy skies.

Deliver hope to heart and heart renew.

You must relieve such hurt and pain and cries.

Soft wind, take gentle care as you imbue

In tender soul, new life before it dies.

We have not long; you must be swift.

Bear my hope and make of hope a gift.

by Jennifer Clark (c)April 2013

For more information about the 2013 Blogging from A to Z Challenge see the website of the same name.
For more information about National Poetry Writing Month go to the NaPoWriMo website.

F is for Failure

The Failure of the 7 of Disks: Failure’s Lessons

It’s painful, not just disappointing. With the rise of failure I experience the loss of hope and a loss of whatever it is that I hoped for. Look at the card. It’s dark and dead. The suppleness that exists when life moved through the plants is nowhere to be found. Instead, the branches and twigs are dry and brittle. All hope has fallen away, leaving a pain that cannot be avoided.

It happens, even though I hate it. When I am finally and completely wrapped in the decaying landscape of failure, all that exists with me is me. I come face to face with my own failings, weaknesses, and mistakes. I hate it and "it" is me. I must recognize the darkness in the place where failure lives as my own self. Without recognition, I cannot ever fully emerge from that place.

It’s not the end, but that’s hard to swallow. I don’t want to be happy about it or throw my hands up and say, “Oh, well.” Matter-of-fact is probably a good attitude to have. Failure is painful and dark enough without allowing myself to sink into misery. I can clean up after failure. Pull up the dead plants, brush away all the dead leaves, and move forward. It’s not failure that keeps the hurt and dark around me. It’s the depression. Failure does not want me to live with it. It’s depression that wants you to stay in that place where failure lives.

For more information about the 2013 Blogging from A to Z Challenge see the website of the same name.
For more information about National Poetry Writing Month go to the NaPoWriMo website.

Her Name

Warning: Possible Trigger

Remember. Say her name aloud. It’s right.

Though heart will hurt and cry and rage and fight.

In suicide, the mind it lies to you.

It says hope’s gone -- review your life for proof.

Controlled by pain and frail from sadness deep,

through suicide she found a sick relief.

Yet denigrate her life on how she died

with words so cruel. In ignorance defile.

The fault’s not hers, nor mine, nor yours. Instead

the blame belongs to darkness left unsaid.

How can you understand her hopeless fear?

Lost hope. Lost light. Lost will to persevere?

Do keep in memory how her life was lived.

Let anger fade. Compassion find. Forgive.

By Jennifer Clark (c)2013

For more information about National Poetry Writing Month go to the NaPoWriMo website.

E is for Everyday

Every day!

It's the same battles with the same people over the same things.

This job is bad for me. It's stressful and it's a stress that I can't walk away from. I must stay. It's my job to stay. No matter how rude and mean another person gets with me, I must accept it without getting my feathers ruffled. Preferably, I will still smile.

Every day!

I don't have the option of sitting down and taking a breather. I can't step away and count to 10. I must stay in the middle of the very thing that is causing me so much grief. My stomach churns and my ears ring.

I struggle with the people I am responsible for, trying maintain their attention. Keeping them focused on the intended topic is like catching cockroaches when someone flips on the light. They would much rather talk about bell-bottoms, staircases, boogers, and underwater basket weaving.

Cell phones are not allowed and I vigilantly watch for them and the ipods they believe they are so good at using on the sly. Texting. Flipping through music. Checking out the latest post on Instagram. Even making the occasional phone call.

Using computers is even harder. Once they are logged on, I must constantly monitor, ensuring they stay on task instead of playing minecraft, shopping, or watching you-tube. I feel like I'm playing a life-size version of the game where you bop the rabbits as they pop out of the holes.

I'm exhausted. Physically and emotionally drained. Every day.

D is for Death

Warning: Possible trigger

Dance with Death

My body will rot in the ground.

Will I, like a serpent, then shed

my skin to gain a life new found?

It’s a mortal spirit I dread.

I want eternal life instead.

Do I get new life and new limb?

Shall I to nothingness be wed?

He invites me to dance with Him.

Taking His hand to dance, I’m bound

to Him. To the ball I am led.

In His arms, we twirl round and round.

My death, guaranteed, is ahead.

Fear grips the life before me spread.

I won’t accept an end so grim.

I cling to life thus live in dread.

He invites me to dance with Him.

But music beyond does resound.

From the thick mire where dwells the dead

does beauty arise and surround

my body. All terror has fled.

I am pulled into earth’s sweet bed.

My mind succumbed to the sweet hymn.

The light of life from me was bled

He invites me to dance with him.

For time my soul in dark was fed.

Then all around was not so dim.

This side the veil my name was said.

He invites me to dance with Him.

by Jennifer Clark (c) April 2013

For more information about the 2013 Blogging from A to Z Challenge see the website of the same name.
For more information about National Poetry Writing Month go to the NaPoWriMo website.

C is for Crazy

Wordle is just too much fun. You enter a bunch of text into the box on their website and then they create an instant picture with all the words. All sorts of formatting options are available - format, font, color, etc. The smallest words show up least frequently and the largest words show up most frequently. I went to thesaurus dot com and looked up crazy and then posted all the antonyms into the Wordle program. My choice of words was motivated by an attempt to figure out some language to use when talking about mental illness. Rather than indicating what we don't what people to say, I wanted to get some ideas for what we do want people to say. I'm not sure what I expected to see. Here's the image it created....

I'm rather irritated by the results. Are people without mental illnesses the only ones that can be sensible? or reasonable? People with mental illnesses cannot be rational or balanced or smart? Really?

Changing the language that we use is important. I think it's time that we advocates change our choice of words, too. Nature abhors a vacuum. Taking words out of people's concept of mental illness leaves a gap that must be filled. What are we going to fill that space with?

For more information about the 2013 Blogging from A to Z Challenge see the website of the same name.

B is for Bring Change 2 Mind

If you're looking for a way to make the world a better place for people with mental illness, check out Bring Change 2 Mind. Personally, I have not worked with them - at least not yet. I'm involved in my local NAMI group and time available for advocacy activities is limited. As I've learned more about mental illnesses and the resources available to educate the world, Bring Change 2 Mind keeps surfacing. I guess it's time I look seriously at it.

The pledge.

Participating in Bring Change 2 Mind starts with a simple promise. It's appropriate whether you have a mental illness or not, whether you know someone with a mental illness or not. Ignorance abounds. I'm not saying that to be ugly. A lot of people simply do not know any better, nobody ever told them any different. Misinformation is all around us and, unfortunately, even the media perpetuates the myths. Who is going to set the record straight? Who is going to share and defend the truth? How do we do it?

The Bring Change to Mind website has a page dedicated to videos. I included one of them at the end of this post. Maybe I'll share an anti-stigma video every time I see a stigma-feeding video.

To share.

Of course you can share your money, but you can also share your story. I think the story is more important than the money. All the money in the world is useless unless people are talking and our stories are great ways to get honest conversations about mental illness started. It's much more than that, though. Talking helps us deal with the difficult things in our lives. I've been on the phone for hours sharing tough feelings and choices with my best friend and she with me. Neither of us are looking for advice, just some company, someone to lovingly listen. We always feel better.

During some of the lowest points in my life, I must have told my story a thousand times. I'm sure people got tired of hearing how he did this and she did that and I was hurt. Who knows, maybe I'll get around to telling some of the story on my blog. I need to muster up the courage first and that's really the heart of the issue here. People are afraid to share their stories.





For more information about the 2013 Blogging from A to Z Challenge see the website of the same name.

A is for Ativan

is for Ativan and Ativan is for anxiety. Anxiety is awful!

I know everyone experiences anxiety - it's part of the human condition. A certain amount of anxiety is to be expected and the level of anxiety is expected to correlate with whatever is going on in life. That's normal. I thought I experienced normal anxiety just like everyone else did. I was all grown up before I knew any different.

Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Heat-Milk-Without-Scalding

When I was a little girl, I used to have a hard time getting to sleep and getting back to sleep if I woke up in the night. I was worried but I couldn't tell you what I was worried about. My mom was wonderfully patient with me, always climbing out of her own cozy bed and blissful sleep to help me with a feeling that I could no longer manage on my own. We walked back to the kitchen, lit only by the single, dim bulb over the kitchen sink. She warmed a few cups of milk in a small saucepan on the stove, stirring constantly. As an adult, I understand that she was keeping the milk from scalding. As a child, though, she was stirring in calm and love. Adding a teaspoon of sugar made it perfect. I sipped on warm milk until I was relaxed enough to climb back in bed.

The little ritual has served me well through the years.

For more information about the 2013 Blogging from A to Z Challenge see the website of the same name.